Let’s Get Real About Racism & White Supremacy

I know, it’s hard to think about, but we have to. As white people, we have to take a serious, hard look at our white privilege.

So, this is not a conversation starter for anyone not ready or willing to let go of their pride, privilege and comfort.

This is not for anyone not willing to listen.

This is simply not for anyone not ready to examine their own white privilege, so, if this is you, please stop reading now and come back when you’re ready. And I say that with the utmost love and respect for who you are and where you are in your journey. I don’t want to offend or anger anyone, but I’m feeling very offended and angry this week due to you-know-who’s latest Twitter rant, and the conversations he’s started about racism.

This is for anyone who’s ready to have a real conversation about race, racism, white supremacy and our (white people) complicity and complacency with this deep seeded evil.

I feel compelled to respond to the most recent racist and xenophobic attack on (specifically) four US Representatives, and thus (generally) all People of Color (POC) by this sitting President. At the Tuesday evening Press Conference, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said “I am not surprised by the rhetoric” this President uses.

Nor am I.

It should not surprise any of us any more.

His actions and his policies, and his propensity toward inflammatory speech have not changed since long before he decided to run for President. Why should any of us be surprised by his most recent Tweets and racist language? And let’s get real about what to call it:  Racist and xenophobic.

Yes, I’ve read the offensive tweets, and I can certainly understand how white people who’ve never been told to “go back to where you came from” can argue that there’s nothing racist in these words, however, racism is at the very heart of this message. The message is right out of the white supremacy playbook, and we cannot be fooled by the carefully scripted tweets, arguments, and excuses of racists. Language has always been the primary tool of every Nationalist group whose agenda is to control, incite, and instill fear both within their own group and those targeted as “outsiders.”

This President is a racist.

There, I’ve said it. It’s harsh and sounds awful. So do his tweets. His tweets and statements are harsh, awful, insensitive, vulgar, sexist, and a host of other negative things none of us wants to be labeled, most of all racist. White people will often say things that are insensitive, unaware of the harm their words have on POC. I’m guilty of this. When a non-racist person becomes aware of it they change their language and behavior, and hopefully also apologize. Clearly we have seen this President’s racist behavior over and over again. Frankly, I’ve had enough!

Representative John Lewis said it best in his speech before the House voted on a resolution condemning Trump’s racist tweets, “As a nation and as a people we need to go forward not backward.”

So what else can we do about it? How do we respond to this latest attack, this latest effort to sow more seeds of hatred, fear, and violence, and how can we change the direction of white supremacy here in the US and around the world?

I offer two important books and authors:  Layla F. Saad and her book & workbook “Me and White Supremacy,” and Robin DiAngelo and her book & workbook “White Fragility.”

Read, discuss, explore, examine, contemplate, pray, reflect, and share. Share your insight and experiences. Share your thoughts, fears, and ideas. Share your hopes for a better way forward, together. Share it here in the comments below and/or on your own social media platform.

Above all, call it for what it is when you see it, hear it, or feel it. Call out those who use such offensive language. And don’t be afraid to challenge the systems and structures that prevent us all from growing in love and respect.



Little Things With Great Love in a Culture Preoccupied with Grand Achievements

As a recently retired Art Teacher at a Catholic Elementary School, I find myself now in a familiar, yet very different work environment, and it has made me contemplate & question my role as an Adrian Dominican Associate. Is being an Associate still important to me, and does it make a difference in my life and the lives of others?

I am now pursuing my own art career, but (until I actually start making a steady income from my art) I am waitressing again at a local restaurant. It is, after all, called the “service/hospitality industry” and are we not all called to a life of service as Christians? The truth is, I actually enjoy the hospitality business, and I absolutely love my boss and co-workers! I enjoy taking care of our guests and being a part of their dining experience here on the Atlantic Ocean.

But here’s what I’ve noticed…. First, my co-workers (or, as we say “team members” because our philosophy is not “the Body of Christ” but “members of a team” which essentially works like a “body” anyway, right?), have recognized something joyful in me. Each shift for me begins with me greeting the kitchen staff with a hearty “Hello, Kitchen!!!” And they all respond, “Hello, Maria!” We laugh and smile at one another, and know that all is well. I’ve occasionally come into work grieving a loss, and they’ve noticed. I failed to greet them with joy, and they expressed concerned. It lifts my own spirits when I muster the energy to cry out “Hello, Kitchen!”

I’ve rediscovered that in the “secular world” Christ’s presence is needed even more than in our churches and Catholic Schools. THIS is part of my new ministry as an Adrian Dominican Associate: To be Christ’s presence in the everyday life of everyone I meet!

Recently I found myself a bit tongue-tied and at a loss for words (imagine that!). I was asked by another Associate from another Order, “What do you do to support and build up our Holy Mother Church?” Now, I am a woman of simplicity and a great admirer of St. Therese Lisieux (do little things with great love), so… I was caught off-guard by leading tone of this question.

My mediocre response was “I sing in my church’s Choir.” Argh!!!! Although I love this ministry, it isn’t ALL I do, and it certainly isn’t what I do on a daily basis.

After a few days of reflection and re-evaluation I’ve come to realize that how I reflect and live out the Body of Christ in the world is my ministry. I do that in my interactions with those I encounter every day. Once it was my students, parents, fellow teachers and administrators; now it is my co-workers, guests, chefs, dishwashers, and managers. This ministry makes me smile in new and unexpected ways. Guests have commented, “You’re so joyful!” Co-workers come to me for hugs when they are upset. Several co-workers are quite adamant that “Maria can’t work Sunday’s! She has to be in church praying for the rest of us!” [This one makes me laugh the most!]

It makes me wonder; if we are all God’s children, and Jesus calls us to love one another, how does the Spirit move us in spreading God’s love in the little things? “Holy Mother Church” doesn’t need my help, but I can certainly be Jesus’ hands and feet in serving the immediate spiritual and emotional needs of my brothers and sisters wherever they are.

So, is being an Associate still necessary and relevant in my life outside “traditional” ministries? Absolutely! And, I think, even more so.

Finding Ourselves in Others

“Why can’t we all just get along?”

We’ve all said this at some point in our lives. If you haven’t yet, good for you!  Try to avoid it.  I’ve come to think of it as a cop-out proclaimed by those who have grown weary of caring, problem-solving and compromise; the vey essence of good relationships!

I’ve used it jokingly in situations that have deteriorated from deep discussions into “us vs. them” debates.  In our nation’s deteriorating climate of intolerance, hate, fear, and finger-pointing merely “getting along” seems so unattainable.  We’re too obsessed with being right.  And yet, I still believe we can find the middle ground of a caring community, a caring nation, a more caring world.

I have to believe.  What’s the alternative?  No hope?  That’s not an option!

I think the solution is simply trying to find ourselves in others.

As a Catholic I’ve been raised on the phrase “find Jesus in the eyes of others,” and I have found that a bit challenging in many cases.  But when I try to see something of myself in another, then it becomes easier to love them and find a way to be respectful and caring.  When that happens, I have found that the other person responds to me in kind.

Last Thursday’s testimony by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford before the Senate Judiciary Committee offers us all yet another opportunity to find ourselves in the many people in that room.  It’s easy to identify with those who share our personal opinions.  We can easily agree with the people in the room who share our political leanings or with those who look like us.  The challenge then is to find oneself in someone we might immediately dismiss as (fill in the blank:  ________________).  Consider, though, the truth that when we dismiss a person and label them, we give ourselves permission to be unkind, unfair, and disrespectful.  It now becomes acceptable to violate another person’s dignity and to treat them as less than human.  History has certainly seen this model before, and it continues to be used in many parts of the world today.

The emotional and political temperature of this nation is off the charts.  Everywhere I turn there are people choosing sides and finding clever ways to prove that they have the correct opinion, perspective, or solution to the problem.  This is not helpful, and, “NO!” you can’t dismiss me simply by calling me naïve!

Personally, I believe Dr. Ford, and if you do, too, then great.  If you don’t believe her, then that’s ok, too.  Thankfully I am one of the lucky ones to have never experienced sexual violence, but I know several who have.  Given the statistic of “1 in 6 women” I’m sure I know more than I realize.  You must know some victims, too.  Ask them what they think.  Their insight might surprise you and move you out of your comfort zone.

But, this post is not meant to persuade anyone to choose a side, or change your opinion.  Our world does not need more division.  It is meant to open your heart to another way.  It is my hope that we will all find the courage and humility to find something of ourselves in the eyes of another, and find a more compassionate way toward justice, healing, and a more loving world.

Families Belong Together-Reflections on the June 30th March

I’m a little sunburned, my feet hurt, I’m tired, I didn’t get to do any painting today, and now I have to go to work and wait on tables.  I won’t get home until at least midnight, and by then I’ll be hungry and even more tired.

But at least I have a safe home to return to with a bed, a fridge full of food and maybe even a beer to enjoy while I put my feet up.  And I get to come home to my dear mother who always puts the porch light on for me.

The migrant-refugee families at our nation’s southern border have none of these gifts.  After weeks and weeks of traveling by foot and rail these families arrived at the US border sunburned, tired, and hungry.  Instead of finding a porch light on, and sanctuary from the violence they left behind, they were met with what I can only describe as evil and inhumanity.

Imagine having your children forcibly taken away from you and then being locked up without due process simply because you were trying to protect your children from the daily violence of your own country.  Imagine the feeling of helplessness that these refugees are feeling because of Trump’s “zero-tolerance” policies.  Imagine the anguish that is weighing heavily on their hearts as they continue to endure separation from their children while those who separated these families now stumble along trying to figure out how to put them back together again.

Oh, Humpty Dumpty!  Trump has had a big fall!

And let us not forget the children and the terror and trauma that they have been put through.  They have witnessed violence and experienced fear in their own country; now they have witnessed it here in ours.  Shameful.

And so, I marched with about 200 others today along US 1.  People of all ages and backgrounds coming together to address the issue of the day:  Families Belong Together.

One very angry man began shouting at us “What about American families that are being separated?”  I said “We care about them, too, but to my knowledge 1,000’s of American families are not being rounded up, separated, and detained.”  He then used some profanity and I simply shouted “Thanks!  I love you!”

My take-away from both today’s supporters and haters:  There are many injustices in the world today, and all need to be addressed.  Human rights abuses, homelessness, war, poverty, child abuse, domestic violence, climate change, plastics in our oceans, the worldwide refugee crisis, human trafficking, endangered species, and an endless list of issues are all important causes to be supported.  Our world is wounded and in desperate need of healing, but it is impossible to take on every cause and every injustice.  Today thousands of us across the US took on this issue.  Today I marched.  Tomorrow I’ll pray, and Monday I’ll make some more calls to Congress.

Do what you can to help the causes that matter to you, but please (pretty-please!) don’t be that angry man in the car with the typical “teenager” approach to this issue.  In the end the “what about Johnny next door” argument didn’t work with our parents when we were kids; it’s not helping today, either.

Me with my sign today.

A Pain of 1,000 Cuts

I’ve been away from blogging since Christmas for a simple reason; I just haven’t had the time and my focus is now on what it should’ve been on all along…. MY ART!

Certainly there has been plenty to write about and comment on, but my time this past Spring Semester was consumed with teaching, packing, planning, moving, and taking an online business course for artists.  I felt that one of my recent breakthroughs in my course work just needed to be shared here.  This week I revisited one of my earlier assignments where I had to explore my emotions.  I suddenly realized that one of my unexplored pains is critical to my artwork and my mission as an artist, so I did a bit more digging.  My “ah-ha” moment will also (hopefully) shine a light on some of the hateful, hurtful, and belittling rhetoric that seems to be so prevalent and tolerated by many in today’s society.

For anyone who does not know me personally, I am 4′ 10″.

People calling me shorty, shrimp, pee-wee, tiny tot, smurf, little-one, or any number of demeaning terms that point out the obvious in a hurtful way is painful and unwelcome.  This hurtful behavior didn’t just happen once or twice as a child or even just once or twice as an adult.  This is what I call a “pain of 1,000 cuts and jabs.”  It happens on a regular basis, almost weekly, and it still goes on.  And, no, folks!  It’s not ok, and it’s not funny!  [Sorry, Randy Newman, no matter what your intention the lyric “short people got no reason to live” is not satirical, it’s sick & offensive!  Love your work; hate this song!]

Sure, I’ve developed a thick skin about it, and I’m even guilty of making the jokes first to avoid the onslaught that I anticipate to be inevitable in many situations.  I’ve always figured that if I can make the best “short jokes” first, then I won’t have to listen to the lamest short jokes from anyone else.  Well, that attitude & practice stops today!

Part of who I’ve become as both a person and an artist is because of my tiny stature.  At 4’10” I’ve often been teased and been made to feel unimportant, overlooked, insignificant, and ignored.  This has made me feel a bit angry & defiant, too.  In most cases, however, my anger has been channeled into something positive.  My anger & defiance has led me to feel strongly about injustices in our world which then leads me to advocate for others and change the way people see these injustices.  It is this feeling of insignificance that makes me notice the little things in our fragile world, and then paint them in important, noticeable, and unusual ways.

This breakthrough may indeed be the very essence of my mission as an artist, but for now I am concerned about what this means for our common humanity.

Bottom line:  Please, stop and think before saying something that may hurt another person.  It’s not that hard.  Just walk a mile in someone else’s shoes before you verbalize that thought that just flashed across your mind, and then ask yourself, “How would I feel if someone said this to me while I was feeling vulnerable?”

No matter what makes us unique, I believe that we are all created in the image and likeness of God, “Then God said: Let us make human beings in our image, after our likeness” (Gen. 1:26).  And (my favorite!) “I praise you [God], because I am wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14) pretty much sums it all up for me.

Learning Lessons from Political Saints?

With the Election just days away I find myself asking the question, “Why does it seem like everyone expects politicians to be saints?”  I mean, they are not running for Pope or Dalai Lama, so why do people act surprised when scandalous skeletons are exposed in the media (Especially the same old skeletons, just in a different suit, and so close to election day.)?  And do we really think the candidates that we support are perfect? More to the point, are we so saintly that we think we don’t have a few skeletons in our own closets?
At the Conspire 2016 conference I’m told that Christena Cleveland said that “even people we don’t like have something of value to teach us; even Donald Trump.”  I wasn’t there, but I wish I could have heard it in context.  Nonetheless, this idea has stuck in my mind ever since.  Even Donald Trump?  Even Hillary Clinton?  Even that bigot I work with?  Even that racist, hot-head that lives down the street?

Although….  I think there is something deeper to be learned from disagreeable people such as Donald Trump.  In a blog post from March of this year, Christena says:

Social psychologists who study this type of existential terror have found that prejudice serves as a buffer and a way to manage the terror. When humans are feeling vulnerable (particularly about our own invincibility and mortality), we respond with prejudice towards those who are different.  This makes us feel better.***

Enter Donald Trump. His screeching, taunting, immature words reveal the tantrums of a desperate man who is trying to manage the existential terror of white men. 

Trump’s xenophobic and racist political platform provides the “prejudice buffer” that many white men need in order to find relief from the pain of vulnerability. Given the changing racial dynamics in the U.S., it is no surprise that so many white men have gravitated toward Trump. His hateful rhetoric, with which he blames people of color for America’s problems, affirms white male identities and relieves their existential anxiety by assuring that he will restore order to white male supremacy.   

So, maybe the thing to be valued here is not some random redeeming quality like “they love their family,” or “they give to the poor.”  Perhaps the lesson to be learned is simply a lesson that teaches us about our own fears, failings, and prejudices.  Hopefully some of us will consider Christena’s words, and find a way through our pride to the humble shores where everything & everyone belongs, and no one is excluded.  I know I’m struggling to get there.

I’ve thought about Christena’s words and this election a lot and have concluded that for all the distasteful comments, actions, and skeletons, I do admire both candidates for having the courage and conviction to enter this race. It takes courage and a thick skin to throw your hat into the ring of this crazy USA system of elections.  Not only does the political machine grind each candidate and their family into sausage, but the news media, and social media are merciless in their tireless efforts to belittle the opposition while making a case for sainthood for their favorite candidate.

With All Saints Day just this past week, I know we are all called to be saints, but let’s get real.  Neither Hillary or Donald are saints, but then again, neither are we (YET!).  We’re all just trying to do our best with what we have.  That’s a big enough job.

My Black Children’s Lives Matter

I am a white woman with two grown black children, and I am genuinely afraid for their lives.

The death, violence, and hatred that we have all witnessed this week should concern us all.  As President Obama stated with such great emotional restraint last Wednesday, “These are not isolated incidents. They are symptomatic of a broader set of racial disparities that exist in our criminal justice system.”   The events of this week of violence in America concerns me deeply.  More deeply than I have ever acknowledged before.  And, as Obama said, these events should concern and trouble us all.

No mother or father (black, brown or white) should have to have “the conversation” with their black son to “be careful when (not if, but WHEN!) you’re stopped by the police.  Why?  Because you’re a black man in America.”  [This “conversation” has been happening for several generations.  Watch this emotional video.]  My heart is broken and I am weary of the racial injustice that is woven into the fabric of this nation.  As I stated in an earlier piece:

[As a nation and as a people] we have learned precious little.  Not only do we still nurture hatred, suspicion, and bigotry in our children, we also continue to support and sanction state sponsored violence and oppression against targeted groups and minorities.  What the hell are we afraid of?

I will not counter the #BlackLivesMatter movement with that petty, insensitive and ignorant retort uttered by so many white people who feel uncomfortable discussing racism in the shadow of yet another murdered black man.  Feel the discomfort.  Be appalled and horrified by the violence our nation continues to suffer because of poverty, bigotry, and oppression.  And please, I beg you, stop contributing to it with hateful, inflammatory speech and insensitive remarks based on nothing but fear and ignorance.

This world seems to be going to hell in a hand-basket and I am feeling ashamed to be a part of a race that causes so much division, fear, bigotry, racism, and poverty in our world.  I am embarrassed by all of the ignorant comments on social media that clearly come from the narrow perspective of white privilege.  If you have the courage, I invite you to stop and consider what it is like to be a minority in America.  Everyday of your life.  Everywhere you go.  With nowhere to hide from those who fear you based solely on the color of your skin.  I have tried to imagine this and have fallen short, even though I have heard and experienced the hatred and prejudice of white people while out in public with my black children.  It hurts.  A lot.  Imagine being hurt every day of your life for no other reason except that you are black, and devalued by society.

I cannot speak to pain of racism and oppression in this country as my own children surely can.  I cannot speak to the feelings of cultural duplicity that they must feel or the tension of having one foot in one world and one foot in another.  I cannot possibly imagine what it is like to be a black man or a black woman in this country.  Or can I?  I am, after all, a member of the human race, am I not?  My ability to empathize with someone else’s pain is not limited by the color of my skin.  When I read reports and commentary on racism, or when I watch the news in horror, do I not feel a deep frustration at the unjust system that fuels hatred and fear, and targets black men in this country?  Of course I do, and so should every other human being.

But they don’t.

The deaths/murders of two more innocent black men at the hands of white police officers this week has left me feeling inconsolable.  The ambush on police officers in Dallas leaves me feeling hopeless.  The relentless violence that engulfs our nation leaves me feeling deeply troubled, sad and weary.  If we continue to meet violence with more violence, and hate with more hate (MLK speech on “Loving Your Enemies.”), then is it any wonder that this country remains racially polarized so many generations after the end of slavery?  As Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”

The whole issue of racism in this country has me questioning everything.  Again.  After all these years I still do not understand it.  I do not understand how civilized people can continue to cling to a system that is complicit with racism and bigotry in an age that is groaning toward a more progressive and egalitarian society that embraces and celebrates diversity in all of its forms.

I just don’t understand anymore, and I’m afraid for our children and their future.

Grant us peace, Lord, for we are in desperate need.